An Actor's Life


New Year’s Eve
December 31, 2009, 9:03 am
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I am in bed. I feel terrible. I feel like last night I went out and drank an awful lot, then came back and drunk some more, then not happy with that decided to wash it all down with extra alcohol. I did none of that, although I still tentatively plan to do so this evening. Last night what I actually did was; go to the supermarket with friends to be stocks for this evening’s very small soiree’  and also purchrased some sweeties for our impending trip to the cinema.

The plan was to revel in the 3D awesomeness of Avatar, but due to our friends’ chronic disorganisation and a touch of something ugly we missed the film. So we came back and watched the first installment of the Rocky box-set I got for Christmas. I had forgotten quite how little happens in that first film. To stave off my hunger for the eye-lid cutting and the shouting, not to mention the montage, I stuffed my face with two people’s worth of confectionary. Which is why I now feel rough. Very rough. Still I’m sure it’s nothing 6 hours stood in the cold talking nonsense to people followed by hearty amounts of celebratory booze wont fix.

Happy  New Year to all.



Gotta love a try-er.

I love how many people are attracted to my blog by searching “Feargy Nude”. They are here, I assume, searching for pictures of the Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie in the buff but what they are greeted with is me in Germany in a nude suit. That has to be a huge let down. Of course this blog is will now be tagged with ‘Fergie nude’ spelt in the correct manner along with the incorrect Feargy which I use as my name. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to reconcile myself with the fact that alot of people reading this are in a state of dissapointed arousal. But then again aren’t most internet users in a constant state of dissapointed arousal?

I’m not sure if I’ve shared with you the delightful Lucy Porter’s coinage “Procrasturbation” it describes the wank you have whilst online just to kill time. Not my joke, Lucy Porter’s. It is great though. I’m working again down in Roman mason land again this afternoon, I’ll be photographed somewhere in the region of 100 times an hour while I’m there. Every day I go to work and I close in on Princess Diana’s record of being the most photographed Brit. I doubt my funeral will stop the country though. It could, but I doubt it.



Funniest Film EVER!
December 29, 2009, 1:42 pm
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Here it is:



Ease it in.
December 28, 2009, 4:06 pm
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Ok so today is the day I said I’d start blogging again after the Cristmas festivities, but for whatever reason I just can’t get going today. It’s already 4 o’clock and I have accomplished exactly nothing with my day. I’d love to sit here and hammer out some comedy gold for you fine people I really would, but my casting system is down, my flat is a mess, I promised to take dinner in to my beautiful girlfriend at work, my sister is coming over for a chat in a couple of hours and I just don’t have the time (or energy) to be funny. Sorry.

Being funny is a form of perpetual motion; it’s just as elusive even though it seems so simple, and to do it you need an awful lot of energy to start with although if you can summon up the requisite amount you get way more out of it. The excellent Pappy’s Fun Club did a show all about ‘funergy’ check them out they are great. I’ve just checked their site and they’ve said goodbye to Brendan the resident Richard Hammond lookalike, what a shame.



Merry wassname

This is my last day of work before Chrimble. I’ll be in Roman land, which should be a bit of a laugh as today was the day that the Romano-Britons celebrated Saturnalia, which was their equivalent. They would bring greenery indoors, decorate with pretty lights and give each other gifts. What does that sound like? Some cynics have suggested that the Christians simple appropriated Saturnalia to sway the largely unbelieving population that Christianity wasn’t all doom and martyrs on sticks. However, there is a Christian counter-theory (isn’t there always?) it argues that while the Biblay makes absolutely NO mention of Dec 25th being of any import whatsoever it does mention the date 25th March as being when the Angel visited Mary to say that God had…you know…knocked her up. If you work forward nine months voila!

With the whole “I am your God! Oh, by the way you’re pregnant.” Does that make Yahweh our first absentee dad of record? I mean, he’s all powerful but couldn’t even swing the poor buggers a room in even the shadiest of Bethlehemian Holiday Inns? Not cool dude, not cool.

Anyway, enough religious rilings lets enjoy the festivities!

Oh, I won’t be blogging again until the 28th now so enjoy.



3 mins 32 Seconds
December 22, 2009, 8:38 pm
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That’s how long this blog post will take because I’m cooking myself a rather lovely pizza for dinner and I’m hungry. I love the fact that pizza is now a boring meal. I can remember when pizza was unbelievably exotic and only to be eaten for treats and occasions, like ice cream. Now it’s mundane. It used to be very Italian or at least American whereas now it’s just…well pizza. The same could be said for pasta although you’d obviously use the word pasta at the end there instead of pizza, also it’s definitely Italian not American.

I love food, not physically though. How do the people who do love food physically find that shit out? Do you just wake up one morning thinking “I have to hump in humous today!” Or do you just have a really bizzarre sandwhich making accident that leads to sex and think “Yes, that was the way I’m going to do it from now on!”

My pizza is ready. Good day.

x



Venue Mention

Just found out that New Old Friends’ Mate  was mentioned in Venue Magzine’s review of 2009. Which is rather good news – “caps doffed to Bath outfit New Old Friends whose Mate made Men Behaving Badly look like Ibsen.” I’m fairly sure it’s a compliment, if not all press is good press they say.

For some reason there was no blog on Friday which is odd. Friday I was still buzzing after another excellent evening at Bonbon’s Cabaret, we seem to be something of a hit there with the audience not only listening to us (no guarantee for all acts) but also laughing heartily in the right places. I think laugh of the night probably went to our angry Christian Christmas lament “Everyone’s a Christian in December.”

Also on the bill on Thursday was Canadian comedian Craig Campbell if you can get a chance to see him do so. He hosts a regular comedy night in Tiverton, Devon on the first Monday of every month. January the 4th looks set to be an absolute winner with Edinburgh Festival legend Brendan Burns set to appear. If you’re in the area go, if you’re not in the area but a fan of really really good stand-up and have access to a car. Go.

We were booked for the next Bonbon in February, but now there is some confusion as to whether or not we will be on the bill. Will keep you all posted. We can now confirm that we’re going to be working with top-stand up Arthur Smith in the new year. We’ve spoken about it briefly and have no idea whatsoever as to what form it will take other than it will be very funny.

Sports news; Pittsburgh Steelers finally broke their 5-game losing streak with a heroic win over Green Bay last night. I love that about 90% of reader have no idea what that means.