An Actor's Life


Man into bar jokes please!

There has been a huge boost in Twitter followers over the last few days. A particular winner was the Man Walks into a Bar challenge. So I thought I’d give you all a proper forum to share your favourites.

So: A man walks into a bar…..

Please complete.

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Lovin it like that…

Craig David is all over my…boink. And DJ it’s all up to meeeee.

I think Craig David is in fact now just all over. Which is a shame really, his incessant name-dropping (his own) was very funny. I wonder if in twenty or so years, as trends go, there will be a UK garage revival. Imagine a world in which puffa-jackets with faux-fur hoods are ‘retro’. Of course Monsieur le David owes it all to that Dickensian dj duo Artful Dodger. Brilliant name, lack of cheesey cockneyisms though.

I’m still struggling with the fact that this is the future, which is a tough one. The problem is, that no sooner have you announced it’s the future, it’s the past. But my I live in a head-space where January 2010 will ALWAYS be futuristic. Saying twentyten sounds really odd to me, I could totally deal with nineteenninetysix which is way more cumbersome, but twentyten with it’s alliterative goodness just sounds odd. The Twentytwelve Olympics are similarly worrying.



Tell my why I don’t hate Mondays?
January 25, 2010, 7:52 am
Filed under: 1

Because today is my day off. That is why I don’t hate Mondays Bob. Because, whilst there is a HUGE pile of dishes to wash next door, I’m not going to do anything for a little while longer. Which is nice.

I’m going to watch some iPlayer stuff I think. Not sure what. I’ll write more tomorrow.

x



I love the NFL

The NFL is awesome. The NFL is an acronym, for those of you who don’t know, for National Football League. Both, the National and Football parts are pre-fixed with a silent American. Almost certainly one of only ten silent American’s in the world. The NFL is gearing up for it’s big game, this weekend we have the final two play-off games to decide who’ll get to face off in the Super-Bowl! I love that such a masculine sport’s ultimate trophy is camp crockery “Oh, this bowl is just super!” But the Super-Bowl is wicked, and I love it. The match-ups this weekend are the Jets against the Colts, which is a fairly neutral sounding game to outsiders, whereas the other side of the coin sounds, frankly biblical.

Vikings versus Saints! Come on, Thor takes on St Christopher, Leif Eriksson against Alban. It’s a brilliant brilliant title for an awful B-movie. Guys with horny helmets against guys in hair shirts! What could be better. I’ll let you know whether the Valahallans or the martyrs win.



A bute!

Today was a good day, a ‘bute’ as Australians would say. I’ve been doing some street theatre, but rather than lugging around in the van to Coventry, Swindon or similar, I got to do it right here in my home town. It was wicked we did a paint by numbers piece in the Podium, me as European artiste with nude muse, and then a 1920s couple outside Woods restaurant. Both went down very well, not to mention the fact that the couple got to drink champagne! A rather excellent days work. I’ll post pictures just as soon as I get them.

x



China
January 20, 2010, 4:13 pm
Filed under: 1 | Tags: , , , , , , ,

So it looks like I’m going to be a bull in a China shop. Only on an international scale, and not in anyway coherent to the meaning of that metaphor. To clarify I may be working in China for a month. Which is awesome. I may of course yet not do so, which would be less awesome. But still, nice to be on the short list.

Short list is a phrase in no way intedend to infer a racial slur on the height of the Chinese people. Look at Jao Ming. For those who don’t ‘ball’ he’s an NBA basketball player and reeeeeaaally tall. Seriously tall. Actually almost comically tall. He must have good genes but a heck of a time buying jeans.



Storm trailer.
January 19, 2010, 11:31 am
Filed under: Just funny | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’m being lazy, but this is great.