An Actor's Life

S’up gangstaz
January 31, 2011, 10:59 pm
Filed under: Just funny

I wish I was a bit more gangsta sometimes. You know a bit more street less avenue? I rep banging beats with sick bars an ting, but when I be bringing the bump to the grind my peeps are chattin whack at me fo reel! (For those of a middle class persuasion that should read: I enjoy music with a good rhythm section, but when I attempt to dance I make as big a fool of myself as if I used a fish knife for cheese!)

So as I say, I’d like to be a bit more gangsta. Just a bit, you know be able to pull off “S’up?” as a greeting. Not too much, I don’t want to walk around strapped with a shank or glock(carrying a concealed weapon, knife or pistol).

I quite like that nowadays the little hoodlums are the ones walking around with melee weapons and the gentle folk look on aghast. Makes a change from Elizabethan Britain where the mark of a gentleman was to wear a rapier on your side. When I say I like it, obviously I’d rather they didn’t. I hate the fact that when I approach a group of teenagers I’m always considering my best plan of attack should it turn nasty (punch the first, elbow the second in the head on the pull back, kick the third in the nuts, nut the forth and run leaving a Jackie Chan-like heap of henchmen in my wake, if your interested)

Its worth noting that while I muse on being more street I lie in my pyjamas listening to The Flaming Lips (not as rock as they sound if you don’t know them) after a relaxing bath. With bubbles. I dunno what I was worrying about I am so freaking street it hurts!

Peace out Holmes.


Free lance
January 18, 2011, 11:29 am
Filed under: Career Arc, Just funny

No, this is not a competition to win medieval jousting equipment. I am talking about being freelance. Its odd. Take today for example; I have a set amount of work to do, but can do it at any point. Even this evening if I so desire it. That is odd. It leaves me feeling not quite at work, but not on a day off either.

The organised amongst you are no doubt saying “Just do the work now and enjoy the rest of the day!” A fair point, but you’re underestimating the lure of laziness. The same lure that has lead you to reading my witterings when you could be doing something productive. Like your accounts.

Have you heard Moira Stuart on the radio? “Your self assesment tax return is now due.” Over and over again, I know Moira, I know. I actually did it last week, so in your too old for TV (view of the BBC not I) face! But why are HMRC taking out so many radio adverts in the day time? Do they think we self-employed just sit around all day listening to the radio procrastinating? Oh. Clever them. Still though, they could’ve written a catchy jingle “We’ll impound any” or something.

January 12, 2011, 9:59 am
Filed under: Career Arc, Just funny

Hello everyone and a happy new year to you all. Apologies for total lag og bliggedy bloggedy-ness for an age. An actor’s life got in the way of anactorslife. The end of 2010 was perhaps the best stretch of my life thus far.

You remember Anti-Panto? That Christmas show I bugged you about ad nauseum and then failed to tell you anything about? Well it was a hit, we sold out, audiences laughed a lot, it was so much fun to do. It even made money! In fact we hold the title for the highest grossing show at The Rondo in 2010 and very possibly the decade, thus this millenium. Pretty groovy huh? One of the greatest moments every night was darlling Heather reducing over a hundred people to fits of giggles simply by breathing. It was genius.

She of the fantastic breaths (it says breaths not titties) is the reason for the close of 2010 being quite so otherworldly awesome. We went for a romantic trip to Paris, in the snow. For the record Eurostar were excellent in dealing with the ‘crisis’ (I’m sure that crisis used to be spelt weather). On the 19th Decemeber, exactly three years after I first saw her, I got down on bended be-wellied knee in the snow and asked her “Will you marry me?” She said… Well nothing, for what seemed like an enternity. The cold snow is seeping through my jeans and I begin to wonder if I’ve horribly misjudged the situation. When she finally deigns to return to the world of auditory communication she simple says “oh my God” a total of three times. Before eventually, she answers. She took so long that other couples have met, fallen in love, conceived and reared childreb who in their turn have met partners fallen in love and sired offspring in the gap between “Will you Marry me?” and the most joyous sound I have heard to date – “Of course.”

So that is that, I am enfianced, betrothed, engaged. I love it. And her obviously.

The final moment of 2010 brilliance was the discovery of my super power. Oh yes, super power. If I sing a rising cadence at the very top of my vocal range I can give anyone I’m in a car with a mild headache. I have not as yet figured out its crime fighting application but it is a super-power nonetheless.

So that was my 2010. I can only hope 2011 is even half as exciting.