Filed under: Just funny | Tags: actor, christmas, comedy, Feargus, funny, humor, humour, jokes, language, life, lumberjack, punchlines, tree
Raaah! I am man. Hear me roar! I’ve just strolled through the streets of Bath with a gigantic, a huge, a monsterous Norweigan Pine ove my shoulder. Ok it’s about 5ft, but still it felt good. I clasped the trunk of the beast in my meaty man hand and swung in over my shoulder and felt like a lumberjack. At one point I wondered if I could extend my arm straight up and take the tree with me, so I tried. I could. Although by doing so I realised quite what a tit I looked so attempted to cover it up as a shoulder twinge and there followed a series of very very odd wiggles and twists to attempt to seal the subterfuge.
Then, I arrived victorious back to the flat (ground floor thankfully) and waged the age old war of man versus the weird Christmas tree holder thing. We’d plumped for the cheapest option in the store against the sales assistant’s advice that the more expensive option was “infinitely better” a bold claim I feel. We weighed up the pros and cons of infite inferiority against 400% more expense and plumped for the former. I have to say though, that other stand must be bloody good. Because I came back, ripped off that weird white plastic mesh they coat your tree in (rather ruining the “I just felled this” feeling) and got stuck into making the tree stand straight. It took about 15 minutes of wrangling and wrestling but I won. The tree stands erect in our huge sash window.
It was all remarkably straight forward;
- Unwrap tree
- Assemble stand (four legs into four slots, done)
- Trim tiny lower branches from tree
- Place stump of tree in stand
- Wedge in the four ‘holding-wedges’ to hold the tree (great name)
As a tree-stand, how do you get infitiely better than that? Does the stand come equipped with automatic lower-branch shaver and an in-built spirit level? Does it do the whole thing for you whilst also cleaning your place, singing carols and mixing you a Whisky Mac? I don’t know. There is a small caveat to this story though, we have yet to put anything on the tree, so maybe our infinitely inferior stand will spontaneously combust at the sight of a single strand of lammetta (I know I will).
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