An Actor's Life


This blog may be borrowed.
November 25, 2009, 11:07 am
Filed under: Career Arc, Just funny | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

I said WORD UP! WOAAH! Hows it hanging my blogalicious mutherflipsters? You still kicking it old school, up in the webdizzle with Fearganizzle bringing the shizzle to the grizzle. There eyes was like Boom full a suprise!

I’d like to take this opportunity to show mad love for the “winners at the academy rattling your anatomy that’d be J5 so kill all your fake platapies” If anyone has any idea what a platapie is I’d love to know. I’m think it’s either a bastardization of platitude or possible the inbred cousin of a platypus. Duck billed or other wise.

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef! Boom. Got it off a bog roll. No joke, a hilarious product that is toilet paper printed with gags. It’s name? Crap jokes. Genius.

Trying to write a sketch based on Dick Whittington and his talented Pussy (see the Vietnamese stage show it’s unbelievable) to London town. In London the streets are paved with gold. Not true, they are infact paved with tarmac or any other non-brand affilated ashfelt but the ashfelt gets so worn in our far capital that it has to be held together with gum. That’s right Londoners who spit their vile masticated rubber onto the floor for you to step in with your brand new Manalohs aren’t being rude ignorant knobheads but are in fact doing their civic duty. I may have lied twice in that sentance. They are knobheads and you aren’t wearing anything other than three year old green flashes.

Whilst that needs work yesterday I wrote two sketches for 17th December, which is very exciting. Are you excited? Is it because of our news or because of the free porn you’re streaming in the other window? Procrasturbate: The wank you have just to kill time. Not my joke Lucy Porter’s she’s a very funny lady, plus I would, bonus. I said bonUS nothing else, keep you’re head in the game and put that down. There is no nudity here, although I can do this – ( . )( . ) He he Boobs. Or this- ) . ( He he Navel. Or this – Nope I got nothing. Shame on you for hoping.

I leave with with two jokes that will guarantee you being though of as a genuine wit (or something that rhymes with wit at least)

When someone says “Put the kettle on.” Your answer must always, ALWAYS, be “Nah, wouldn’t suit me.”

When someone says “How did you sleep?” The correct answer is “With my eyes closed.”

Oh yeah! AU comedy gold.

Remember people the greatest heckle is silence.

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3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I have to report you for comedy theft. You know that kettle joke is in sole ownership of your father. Up to now no one else has wanted it…..
Mum
xxxx

Comment by Jane C Woods

Are you Irish? One of my male Irish colleagues talks just like that.

Comment by honeypiehorse

No, not Irish. I do enjoy doing the accent though! Is it a good thing I sound like your colleague?

Comment by feargy




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